I’m not writing this blog from a man’s point of view (the reasons behind cheating), but from that of a woman. Not that of a woman who has ever been cheated on, nor have I ever cheated. But I do see and hear alot of personal stories surrounding infidelity. The effect it has on a relationship, the warning signs, why women choose to ignore their instinct and what it does to a person’s selfworth and ability to trust. It’s painful to see my fellow women go through this. Even if it’s continued by choice..
I won’t be surprised if everyone knows of at least one case of infidelity. Whether that’s from personal experience or that of a friend, family member, co-worker.. it’s a sad reality. It’s sad that so many souls are misleaded by their partners. The promises that are made, are being disgarded. In a very disrespectful way. In my opinion, as soon as a man lays with a women, that’s a promise. Any relationship, engagement or marriage is a promise. A promise to love and nurture. To stand together. A promise to protect eachother. It’s a true shame that some take that promise so lightly.
“When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves-they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true.”
How is it logic that when a couple faces a problem in their relationship, whether that’s a sexual difficutly, meantally, physically, some seek their distraction elsewhere? Is that even a quick fix for them? If they think so little of their partner, instead of showing integrity and leaving the relationship, they find their pleasure elsewhere. I don’t understand. I think I never will.
But what I also find troubling is the ignoring of the red flaggs. Because, let’s be honest, they’re there. Without any question. In abundance. A sudden lack of intimacy, new interests, the ‘hiding’ of phones, not willing/able to explain where they were.. And most importantly, women seem to ignore not only these red flags but also their instinct. Those moments when the hairs on your neck stand up when he’s lying. We all know that feeling. Deep down inside, you know he’s not being honest with you. How in the world can you choose to ignore that?
I know of women who do that. Women that know their man is cheating, and they do nothing. They choose to disgard the stories, the ‘evidence’ and even the story of ‘the other woman’. They choose to continue their ‘relationship’ and to try harder. They try harder to please him, but in that proces they’re losing themselves. They defend him, make up excuses for his actions.. they lose all self respect. They just settle. They think so little of themselves that they settle for a man who puts them second, third or even last on his priority list. Or they whole-heartedly believe they can fix him, or it was a one-time thing. I feel for them. I feel bad for the women who accept this.
What are you teaching by accepting infidelity? That you’re fine with being disrespected, put in second place and not worthy of love, affection, devotion and the time of a man. If you think so little of yourself, his actions will eventually wrub of on that. He won’t think highly of you either. If you’re a woman (who’s strong, independant, respectful, loving) and you have a clear understanding on the boundaries and limitations in your relationship and a man knows it’s over if he treats you like dirt.. he probably won’t treat you as such.
“Fuck you for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.”