Sometimes I wonder if my heart isn’t too big. Or too open. If my ability to continue loving, respecting and appreciating isn’t more of a curse than a blessing..
It’s irrational. At times my heart can be cold as ice. Ruthless. No continous. No consideration for others. Those who know me, have seen that side of me. Yet, most of the time, I care. Too much maybe. My desire to help others has often proven to turn into negligence towards myself. My needs, wants, feelings and emotions would be put on a sidetrack.
I would stop setting boundaries for myself. I would stop protecting myself. I would forget who I really was. I had no idea what I wanted or needed. There would be no balance between caring for others and for myself. That would work for a while. A few day, weeks or sometimes even moths.
At some point, there would always be this big brick wall. It would stop me dead in my tracks. I smashed into it, over and over again. Each time, I learned some more. As if they were all tests. The lessons will never end though.
Just remember: the hardest tests are only for the best students.